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MissAliceRose

Soal. Srai. Saire.
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Yeah, so it's been... forevers.  I have been a little bit more busy than I like to be at times.  There is simply too much to do and not enough time to do it all.  I have my fingers in too many pies.

WAY too many.

But, hopefully, that will all be fixed soon enough.

Anyway, it's the weekend.  Home has been invaded as per usual by family and friends.  (Seriously, you people should see how packed the house gets EVERY weekend.)  Parents are prepped to go through $50 in beer, fridge is full of grill food, water balloons are prepared for launching, and the rooms are full-up.  

Got a birthday party for a 1 yr old to go to (friends of the family that we consider just family) today, another to go to for a child of the same age (the little boy I am the "baby daddy" to because his daddy is a peice of work), and this is after the first one this month for ANOTHER child of the same age that happened two weeks ago.  I am surrounded by babies.

Berbs is starting to show, too.

Yay.  Lots of babies.  None are mine.  Ugh.  I am in a lovely mood today.  Okay.  Going to go shower.

Hoping I will soon lighten up,
Alice.
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What. The. FUCK.

Yes.  I said it.  FUCK.  FUCKFUCKFUCK.  Such a satisfying word, FUCK, is it not?

Want to know why I said it?  I bet you don't.  I wouldn't either if I were you.  I'm going to say it anyway but you have my COMPLETE permission to FUCK off.  ((OMG.  I didn't mean that!  I promise!  I am SO sorry.  I am letting my anger get the best of me.))

I bet you are wondering why I am so... FUCKING upset.  ((OMG!  That is my word of the day!))

I shall tell you.  My mother, my sister, and most of the people who are associated with them at the moment.  I can do NOTHING right in this house.  And, mind you, this is not just a 'aww... pity me' thing.  This is honesty.

I can't tell them what is bothering me, what makes me sad, what makes me angry, who or what I don't like, who or what I DO like, what makes me happy, or even just TALKING NORMALLY to them.  One of them is being a super-hormonal-super-c*nt and the other... is being her regular old self.  ((Yes, I used the word super in the description of my sister twice.))

Seriously.  I was talking to my mother yesterday because she had called about getting the number to my brother's recruiter (since he left last week and mom has questions) and before I let her go, I tell her that I won a runner-up prize for Miss. Gail Carriger's photo contest ((OMG! AUTOGRAPHED STICKERS! WHEEE!!)) and what does she say to me?

I quote:
"You know, I really think that there are more productive ways to be spending your time than writing and your artwork."

Fuck her.  Seriously?  You want to tell me that there are more productive things to do with my DAYS OFF FROM WORK THAT I USE TO LOOK FOR JOBS WHEN I TAKE FUCKING BREAKS FROM MY "LESS PRODUCTIVE" ACTIVITIES??  It's my fucking dream to be an artist or a writer.  I don't care which.  I will take EITHER.  But, NO.  I am wasting my time and should be spending it in a more productive manner.

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On to the next example from just this morning.

Recently ((last week)), my brother went away to boot camp.  His room is going to turn into mine and the one I am currently in will again become my sisters, and the one SHE is staying in will be for her boyfriend's children on the weekends so that he can move in with my sister in her room.  ((And then the other spare bedroom will be madame SUPER-C*nt's babies room.))

Well, last week, I had my room all ready to go since I knew I was working this weekend but, before I moved ANYTHING in my brother's room, I were made aware of the fact that my mother wanted that room to stay as it was for a week so that she can take comfort in it.  I understand that.  Really, I do.  I miss him, too, and he is only my brother.  But... I have been living out of a suit case since April 1st, knowing that the room I was staying in is a temporary one since, instead of taking the room with the bed she wants that is now unoccupied, my sister DEMANDS that she gets her old room back and the bed from my brothers room as well.  And of course... Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets.

But she decides this morning, after finding out that I work from 11-4:30, that she is going to be swtiching rooms around.  Not wanting her little fingers digging through my shit, I asked ((in a very nice voice)) if she could wait until at least I got home since I only work until 4:30 which would put me home by 5.  SHE FLIPS.  

"Well, I can't make any promises.  I just want to get this done.  If I have help, you're going to be out of luck."

A thing you should know about my mother... she doesn't speak.  She screams and, when she is really pissed, she screeches.  This was all screeched at me.

And, of course, since my dumb ass had to ask her to do something for me in a public room, Lola has to put her two-cents in.

"You know, I would like to have my room back at some point."

Okay.  She isn't even LIVING HERE!  She VISITS on the weekends SOMETIMES.

But, hey.  Whatever.

I don't care.

Fuck it all.  

Oh, and now my mother is screeching at me again.  I guess I am done with this entry now.

Alice.
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My brother is going to boot camp for the Marines.  Monday.  We had his party last night and, yes, I got quite drunk.  But, before I got drunk, I cried a lot.  I think that the hugs were a mistake.

When hugging my brother for the first time of many last night... I realized that I am actually going to miss the little (big - because he is 6'3'' and I am a mere 5'5'') booger.  

Of course, my sister - the kind of person that she is - kept reminding me that I was the one who left first and it would be no different from when I was living in Wisconsin.  I completely disagree.

In boot camp I can't call him, I can only send him letters and hope that he sends one in return.  But, by hoping that, I would be hoping that he takes what little time he has to write a letter to me instead of taking it to write one to his girlfriend.  And, having been the girlfriend that was left behind before, I don't know if I would be able to do that or not.   I think I would feel much too guilty, to be completely honest.

I don't know.  All I know is that I don't want to be left in this house without my little brother here.

Alice.
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INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!

How do you feel today?
Turn It Up (Shaman's Harvest) "Makes me want to dance but I am not sure the lyrics fit..."

What's your outlook on life?
Misery Business (Paramore) "... heh."

What does your family think of you?
Polar Bear (Puscifer) "As much as I dislike this band... I hope they think of me as a polar bear."

What do your friends think of you?
Nine In The Afternoon (Panic At The Disco)  "I'll give it to you."

What do strangers think of you?
Pretty Women (Alan Rickman and Johnny Depp - Sweeny Todd)  "Heh.  I wish."

What do your exes think of you?
Slipped Away (Avril Lavigne)  "HAHA.  I love when random things like this happen."

How's your love life?
Highway To Hell (Glee Version ft. Jonathan Groff)  "Yip."

How will your love life be in the future?
A Bad Dream (Keane)  *sigh*  "Probably."

Will you get married?
Beautiful Night (Holly Conlan)  "Aww.  I hope so."

Are you good at school?
Are You A Ghost (BeWitched)  "I don't know whether that is good or not..."

Will you be successful?
Bend The Bracket (Chevelle)  "I think that one is a no."

What song should they play on your birthday?
Far From Home (Five Finger Death Punch) "Just like last year, then?"

What song should they play at your graduation?
Gray Summer Day (Lucky 7)  "At least the beat makes it SOUND happy."

The Soundtrack of your life?
Clockwatching (Jason Mraz) "Yeah."

You and your best friends are?
Sticks and Stones (Alien Ant Farm)  "Sometimes."

Happy times:
Given Up (Linkin Park)  "Heh."

Sad times:
Plug In Baby (Muse)  "Oookay."

Every day:
Dirty (Hurt)  "Yeah."

For tomorrow:
Knife Party (Deftones)  "Hehe."

For you:
Amsterdam (Coldplay)  "Hmmm."

What does next year have in store for me?
Lies (Martina McBride)  "I hope not."

What do I say when life gets too hard?
I Hate Myself For Losing Your (Kelly Clarkson) "That's what I say every time.  Can't it be something different?"

What song will I dance to at my wedding?
If I Never See Your Face Again (Maroon 5)  "So not appropriate."

What do you want as your career?
Bad Influence (Pink)  *grin*

Your favorite saying?
Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen) "Not sure what I think about this one."

How will I die?
Dancing With Tears In My Eyes (KeSha) "HAHAHAHA"
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Pity party

1 min read
Why is it that, when you think that life might be heading in the right direction it goes and turns around on you?  Or is it just me?

Honestly, I am beginning to think it is just me.  I know it's not and there are so many people out there who have it so much worse than me but it just seems like... my life doesn't want to go right.  Like there is something... blocking it.  Did I do something to offend the gods?  Is that why I am working a job at Target and living with my mom who, honestly, I am beginning to feel is clinically insane.

I dunno.  I just... feel like giving up.  I know it is very... dramatic of me.  I am kinda not very good right now... feeling unloved, unnoticed, and unimportant.  I am going to bed with my ice cream.

Night.
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